Re: sleeping w/o meds (bro's comment)

Yea, so bro commented on my last post, but I always feel weird commenting on my own blog, and I started blathering on and on, so I figured I'd make it a post. in response to bro, who asked:

what's it like without any sleeping meds?

ratarded relaxation tapes may be cool ... with lit candles. you can go all uber romantic on yourself ... wait. Never mind.

Here's my answer: (and you'll notice it's 6:39am my time...I obviously didn't go to sleep tonight...lastnight...whatever. Is it b/c I was in bed for 18 hours yesterday? Or is it b/c my mind is racing? Or is it b/c I'm too tired to sleep. Or is it a suggestion of my previous post that I don't want to go to sleep b/c then I'll eventually have to wake up and face the next day? I'll let you pick one, all, or none of the above. Make this interactive blogging :)

sleep w/o sleep meds:
1. I never go to sleep
2. I don't get sleepy (I can be exhausted without being sleepy)
3. My mind races and won't stop
4. I'm too tired to sleep (can't understand this until it happens to you, me thinks)
5. I wake up every 5 minutes (sorta like you when you're drunk and you kick me repeatedly when we share a bed at xmas...actually I did this to you too I think) ^_~
6. I lay (lie? I can never remember) there and never fall asleep and get up when I get sick and tired of lying there.
7. my body hurts or is too tired (I don't think you can ever understand that until you feel it...the fact that your muscles are too tired to relax, or something, hard to explain, and that's different thatn #4) to let me sleep
8. I sleep but never actually sleep (ie I'm more tired when I wake up, don't feel rested, etc) b/c I never reach "deep sleep," or stage 4 sleep, or rem either.

and unfortunately, often times even with meds, 1 or more of these things occur. Or the meds knock me out so much that I'm too stupid/fatigued the next day to function like a human being.

I have tried relaxation tapes. They either agitate me (the sound of crashing waves makes my heart race for some reason. apparently this happens to people with water phobias/scared of swimming. didn't know that was me? I'm only afraid of the things in the water WITH me that I can't see...or can...I still haven't figured out if I'd rather know what's swimming with me or stay ignorant), or annoy me, or only relax my body, but not my mind (it's the racing mind that gets me).

and I think lit candles would be a fire hazard, especially with me involved :)

And uber romantic...on myself? what are you implying here? you gonna buy me a vibrator for my bday? lol...wait...never mind is right :)

Oh yea, and I finally called the psycho doc and stopped the meds that were making me wacko sick. That's one reason I was in bed so long yesterday. I was afraid if I moved I'd start throwing up everywhere and I didn't feel like cleaning it up so I just didn't move. Aren't you all so glad that I share these things with you? I'm sure you feel special knowing my bodily functions. ^_^

~Cheers & god morgon (ie good morning).

ps. do I attempt to go to sleep now that the sun will soon start to rise? or do I stay up? Such touch decisions.