made a decision

So, wow, am I in a blogging mood or what? After lying down on my bed...for how ever long it was between this post and the last and bawling my eyes out (which was sept '03 when we thought mom was dying...so this is not normal for me...ever), I popped a double dose of zoloft and decided to put myself back on it for the time being. So bro, thank you and sorry. Now, I have about 20 minutes before the parents get back, lets just hope I can get under some semblance of "jolly happy fun" feeling. I hope my psych isn't too pissed. But I at least know zoloft is relatively "safe" (ie I won't go spewing my guts out). he wanted me to wait just on the wellbutrin until our next meeting, but that obviously doesn't hack it just by itself. makes me feel bad that I'm psycho enough that one anti-d can't hack it...but makes me feel good that obviously there is something wrong with me and the meds are necessary...that make sense? *deep breaths* bri, unless I start bawling again during lunch, please don't mention this to mom. I don't want her to worry more than she already is.

And for some reason I just thought of that Neil Gaiman quote again, "Can I help you?" said the footman. Richard had been told to fuck off and die with more warmth and good humor.

damnit, now I have a "crying headache" lol, it's not even lunch time yet, I'm not gonna hazard a guess at what else could go wrong today. Do you see now why sometimes I never want to wake up? Why sometimes I feel safer not going to sleep? My uterus hurts too :( I hate cramps...ahhh...understanding comes. that's why I'm extra-psycho-crazy. gotta love those hormones. maybe the hormones released from my crying bout will make me feel better. although truthfully, I think when you cry, you should release anti-crying-headache-chemicals. Luckily (or is it unluckily?) I hardly ever cry.

*physically pulls face into smiling position* now I need some freeze spray